How to Support Your 20-Something Without Being Overbearing: A Parent’s Guide
Your child is in their 20s — a time when life feels like one big, uncertain adventure. Whether they’re trying to figure out their career path, navigating relationships, or just trying to make sense of adulting, it can be an overwhelming whirlwind for them. As a parent, it can be so hard to find the balance between wanting to swoop in and fix everything, and letting them figure things out on their own. It’s tough, right? You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to be the overbearing “I know everything” parent. So, how do you strike that perfect balance? Let’s dive in!
1. Be a Sounding Board, Not a Problem-Solver
Your child is going to face some big decisions in their 20s — career choices, relationship issues, finances, and even figuring out some basic life skills (like how to fold a fitted sheet). Naturally, you want to jump in and offer advice, but what they really need from you is someone to listen. Be their sounding board. Let them talk through their thoughts and worries. Instead of just folding the sheet for them, give them space to try it out for themselves. Ask thoughtful questions to help them think things through.
2. Respect Their Autonomy
As hard as it might be to watch them shove the crumpled up sheet into the linen closet, it’s all part of their journey to adulthood. They need the space to figure things out, even if it means making mistakes along the way. Your child is growing into their own person, and part of that growth means their first try won’t be perfect. They are inevitably going to do things differently from how you would approach it, but that’s how they learn and become more independent.
Step back and breathe. They’re figuring out their adult life, even if it means doing the opposite of what you’d do. They’ll survive — and they’ll probably learn something along the way!
3. Offer Guidance, Not Criticism
It can feel impossible to sit back and watch when you feel they are heading down a path that seems less than ideal. But no one likes being criticized, especially not young adults who are already being vulnerable in their attempt to find their way. Instead of jumping to the “I told you so” approach, offer guidance in a way that’s constructive and supportive. Share your own experiences, and explain how you learned from similar situations.
4. Celebrate Their Wins, Big or Small
Life in your 20s is full of highs and lows, so it’s important to celebrate even the small victories. Whether they landed their first job, survived a tough semester, or managed to not hit the snooze button, show them you’re proud! It boosts their confidence and helps them feel like they’re on the right track. Celebrate it all!
5. Set Boundaries That Respect Both Your Roles
If you’ve read up to this point, it’s probably setting in that your relationship with your child has changed now that they are a young adult and the dynamic needs to shift. That means setting some boundaries — not just for them, but for you too. You need space to let them navigate life, and they need space to do it without feeling like they are constantly being watched. Be mindful of how much you’re involved in their personal life, and remember, it’s okay to let them take the lead on important decisions.
6. Be Available, Not Hovering
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply let your child know you’re there when they need you. You don’t need to hover or always be in their business, but knowing that you’re available can be a huge comfort. Let them come to you when they’re ready, and respect when they need space.
Parenting a young adult in their 20s is a whole new ballgame. You’ve spent years guiding them through childhood and the teen years, but now it’s time to give them the space to become the adults they’re meant to be. By offering support, respecting their independence, setting boundaries, and celebrating their growth, you’ll be able to navigate this phase of life with ease. You’re not just their parent; you’re a mentor, a friend, and a safe place to land when they need it most. The key is to find that balance between being there for them and giving them room to grow.
Feel like you could use some support tackling this shift in the relationship with your adult child? Schedule your free 15 minute consultation for therapy near San Ramon, CA today to see how we can work together!