Sheltering In Tension - When Social Distancing Really Sucks
Things weren’t great at home, but you survived through staying busy at work and making plans outside of the home. Then the coronavirus pandemic hit, and you are stuck at home, face to face with the tension you’ve been trying to avoid. You’re inundated with blogs & opinion pieces about finding the silver lining during social distancing and maximizing quality family time.
Nothing about your current situation seems hopeful nor quality. So how do you survive this crisis?
Set boundaries
This is a challenging & uncertain time. It’s important to practice whatever self-care will keep you grounded. Set the boundaries you need with your spouse or family members. Boundaries = requests + self-care actions. For example, please don’t speak to me that way, if you continue, I’ll go to the other room. We can set boundaries with others & with ourselves.
Reach out to your support network
Social distancing may leave you feeling cut off from your emotional lifelines, especially when relationships at home are draining. Prioritize regular conversations over FaceTime & phone calls with friends & loved ones who can be emotionally supportive. Maybe you need a listening ear to talk about what’s going on at home, maybe you need regular conversations or just to laugh. Lean into those lifelines, especially now.
Have an honest state of the relationship conversation
If you are up for it (and it’s physically safe to do so), this time staying at home may be an opportunity to have an honest conversation about the state of your relationship. Agree to talk at a time that works for both of you when you can show up grounded, clear headed, and free from distractions. Try to talk about one thing at a time. As much as possible, commit to listening & accepting your partner’s point of view without defensiveness. Accepting their experience doesn’t mean you have to agree. Gottman has fantastic practical resources on relationships & communication.
Take a time out when needed
Set a timer for your conversation. If either one of you gets overwhelmed, take a time out for at least 20 minutes before returning to the conversation. Trying to push through when one or both of you are emotionally flooded won’t be helpful.
Be flexible to adjust course
Maybe before the shelter in place order, you were in conversation about breaking up, separation, or divorce. Give yourself grace to be flexible where needed and adjust plans. It may be in your best interest to move forward with plans that were in motion, or you may need to press pause and ride out this crisis. It’s okay to coexist as peacefully as possible for the time being.
Get help
This could be a great time to get the help you need, whether it be individually or as a couple. Video based therapy is shown to be just as effective as face to face counseling. You don’t have to continue to live in an unhappy, disconnected relationship. There are tools to help you thrive & reclaim joy again.
Schedule your free 15 minute consultation to get started
with video based therapy today.
If you are experiencing abuse or violence, please reach out to your local authorities. There are reports of increased domestic violence calls as shelter in place orders have been placed all over the US. Call 211 to get access to your local county resources that can help direct you towards safety.