boundaries, conflict, family, marriage, mental health, millennials, partners of sex addicts, reconciliation, recovery, sex addiction, sexuality, shame, therapy, women, young adults boundaries, conflict, family, marriage, mental health, millennials, partners of sex addicts, reconciliation, recovery, sex addiction, sexuality, shame, therapy, women, young adults

My Partner Cheated... What Do I Do?

You just found out your partner cheated. You never thought this could happen to you. To add salt to the wound, your go to confidant is now the source of your wounding. You feel crushed, angry, shocked, numb, and completely unsure of what to do next. Do these 5 things and take it day by day.

Read More
communication, goals, gratitude, marriage, mental health, mindfulness, parenting, positive thinking, recovery, shame, therapy, women communication, goals, gratitude, marriage, mental health, mindfulness, parenting, positive thinking, recovery, shame, therapy, women

All the Trophies

When I was in the bleary eyed state of being a brand new mom, I was convinced I would never successfully leave the house before 10am ever again. As I dove into this ever changing rhythm (and all the equipment that goes with it), I began offering myself mental trophies for any small, personal successes. Got somewhere within 20 minutes of the start time? Trophy! Showered? Trophy! Left the house? Trophy! Made it through a rough day? All the trophies!

Read More
boundaries, faith, family, goals, marriage, meditation, mental health, millennials, parenting, positive thinking, recovery, shame, teens, therapy, thoughts, trauma, women, young adults boundaries, faith, family, goals, marriage, meditation, mental health, millennials, parenting, positive thinking, recovery, shame, teens, therapy, thoughts, trauma, women, young adults

You Have the Right to Have Boundaries...really!

Successfully implementing boundaries requires believing you have the right to have them. Maybe you grew up in a family where you learned to ignore your feelings or minimize your needs and the idea that you deserve boundaries seems so foreign, even indulgent. Maybe you think boundaries are awesome for other people, but not for you. Build up your foundation by using the Bill of Rights list. This is a list of 25 personal rights adapted from The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Dr. Edmund Bourne.

Read More
communication, conflict, depression, family, gratitude, marriage, meditation, mental health, millennials, mindfulness, parenting, partners of sex addicts, positive thinking, recovery, shame, teens, therapy, thoughts, trauma, women, young adults communication, conflict, depression, family, gratitude, marriage, meditation, mental health, millennials, mindfulness, parenting, partners of sex addicts, positive thinking, recovery, shame, teens, therapy, thoughts, trauma, women, young adults

3 Ways to Battle Shame

If we slow down to pay attention, we see the many small moments our shitty first drafts fight for our attention. It can be as simple and subtle as the moment your spouse looked away from you when you came out in your new sweater for the first time (SFD: He thinks it looks bad on me, I’m not good enough), or the look that stranger gave you walking Lake Merritt (SFD: She heard what I said and is judging me), or the drop of your stomach when a group of coworkers make lunch plans without you (SFD: They don’t like me, I’m a tag-a-long). Once those everyday shame moments are in our awareness, how do we battle it?

Read More
communication, conflict, faith, family, forgiveness, goals, marriage, meditation, mental health, millennials, mindfulness, parenting, positive thinking, recovery, shame, therapy, thoughts, women, young adults communication, conflict, faith, family, forgiveness, goals, marriage, meditation, mental health, millennials, mindfulness, parenting, positive thinking, recovery, shame, therapy, thoughts, women, young adults

Sh*tty First Draft

I recently had a scuffle with a friend that left me spinning. I felt consumed by it, it seemed every waking moment I was rehashing and replaying our conversation, trying to make sense of our argument. The more I tried to shake it, the more I found myself thinking about it. I became more and more anxious, unsure, and critical of myself.  I felt a pull to smooth it over. Unconsciously, I went to an old, familiar story that my worth is dependent on whether people are pleased with me. My anxiety was oozing out of my shame exposed behind my likable, charming armor. In her research on vulnerability & shame, Brene Brown calls this reaction “The Shitty First Draft”. We all have a shitty first draft. It’s our knee-jerk, go-to story we tell ourselves when we feel vulnerable, shame, or fear.  So how do we break the cycle?

Read More